The big "F" word...failure.

Our reaction to failure separates the faithful from the faithless. 

Dictionary.com defines failure as a lack of success;  an act of failing or proving unsuccessful... YIKES. Kinda intense, don't you think? 

I am writing this blog tonight because failure came into my life today. I applied for a new job with my company about a week ago as an event planner. ( Please note: my absolute passion and true calling is an opportunity that God brought to me about 2 months ago. And while I am hard at work with that, I am blessed to be able to retain my full-time, normal job...I digress) I applied for another day job (reference first sentence of this paragraph) and got a call back! It surprised me because I really did not expect it. After a 10 minute preliminary interview with an HR rep, I was told that I would be contacted in a week for another interview.

"Heck yea," I said! I thought to myself, "I could enjoy this new job. I could be an event planner for a year or two, and just see where it goes." It sounded very exciting!! The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that this was my break. My break from the stressful, overwhelming, exhausting day job that I currently held.

Current day: I was on the phone with a customer when I saw  an email notification from the HR rep. I held my breathe, and told myself "No matter what this email says, remember that God has plans for me."

God had other plans. 


I was frustrated. I thought to myself "okay God, I do not see any reason why I did not get this interview. What is the reason for keeping me where I am now? I am so stressed out!"

I texted my husband shortly after receiving the email. He texted back... " well then it wasn't in God's plan".  

And that was that. 

I was not upset anymore. I was not angry at God. I shook it off and moved on. 

I do not understand God's plan. Nor will I ever! And why would I want to? God  has something big planned for me. For all of us. It never makes sense at the time. I can never see the point in "bad" things happening. But EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST WAS PLANNED. IT WAS ALL FOR A PURPOSE. IT MADE ME WHO I AM NOW. My family. My travels. My ups and downs. My careers. My education. My eating disorder. My relationships...it all makes me who I am!!!

Have you ever wondered why God made you the way He did? I used to! I used to think to myself " why didn't God make me naturally skinny?"... You know those friends that are stick thin and can eat whatever they want and never gain weight? (arg) But think! If God made me stick thin and with a super- duper metabolism, I do not think I would be writing this blog and capitalizing on an incredible and awesome work opportunity.

I just have to stay faithful, thankful and listen to Him.

On that note, I want to tell you a story ( I know right, another story). This one is love story.
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It was approximately 3 years ago. It was July something or other. I just started a new job as a manager with a gigantic retailer in New Albany, Ohio. Specifically, I was working at the head quarters, or home office. I had just started, maybe a few days into it. I was doing something on the computer in the back of the store. I was surrounded by my manager at the time, and maybe a few associates... Not quite sure of the details. But what I do remember is this: my manager was talking to someone who did not work in my store. It was a guy. She introduced me to him. "This is our new assistant manager Andrea." I turned around (because obviously I was too busy to turn around prior to this moment)... and time stopped. 

As I shook this guy's hand, a voice in my head said "stop... you will want to remember this."

That man is now my husband.

It brings tears to my eyes just remembering how amazing it is. I love that moment. I remember his smile. And the voice. 

I have no doubt that God was speaking to me. I did not know it was Him at the time. But Andrew is my indescribably perfect match. God created this love between us. That is the only explanation for how wonderful our love is. 
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The point is, do not give up hope and faith. Failure is not that big of a deal. We move on. Life goes on. Do not waste your time wondering and wallowing in your self pity. Failure is not a lack of success. Failure is an attempt at a certain activity. You did not fail. You just did not succeed like you wanted to. 

Romans 5:3-5
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Warning: Stay Clear on Wednesdays and Thursdays till 12pm

Do you ever feel helpless? Do you ever feel like other things in your life are controlling you, not the other way around?

That is how I felt today.

Work was extremely stressful. We are insanely busy and, sadly, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. (As some of you may know, I am positive and happy 99% of the time. I love bringing good energy and having a smile on my face! Because LIFE IS GREAT! LIFE IS A BLESSING....)

But sometimes, my face hurts from smiling and all I want to do is say profanities every other word..this seems to happen most Wednesdays and Thursdays before 12pm.


It takes me a little while to calm down after work. Thank goodness I have a 30 minute drive to blast my music, talk to myself and say a prayer so that I get home safely.

 I walk in the door, and most of my stress goes away once a little fur ball named Cooper runs to me with his favorite toy....

I take some deep breathes... and all my frustrations from my day go away.

I have breathe in my body! I have energy to work out! I have food in the fridge! The Lord has SAVED me!

I am human. I get frustrated. I get impatient. I get sad. But I do not wallow in my sadness. I do not walk around with my head towards the ground.

I try to never make excuses. NOT UP IN HERE!!!! Do not give me any excuses. I literally can not stand them. If I want something, you darn well know it is going to happen one way or another. If I want something, I do it myself. More or less, it is just me being impatient and wanting things NOW. But I have a serious drive when I set my mind to something. My dad always told me to "visualize"...visualize the foul shot going into the basket, visualize the "A"...I do not underestimate the power of visualization.

I will not live my life and look back one day and wish I would have done something differently. Not anymore. (see a video that I posted at facebook.com/60dayjourney-- "My Story") I understand that somethings will not happen as soon as I want them to (for instance, my body will not be as "ripped" as I want it in a 2 week period... it will take some hard work, dedication, and time!)

It is very easy to get caught up in the "woo is me" way of thinking, i.e. "My job is horrible" ;"I have no new clothes" ;"My hair is too brown."  " I want to be skinnier." SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

The point is, I can get mad or, I can breathe, pray and be thankful for what the Good Lord has given me.

And I can yell...yelling helps too.

Day 2: If I am not feeling too hot, I shave my legs

You know the feeling you get before you get sick? Like you think tomorrow you are going to wake up with the "cold shakes" and a sore throat? Yea, that is me today.

It could be a mix of things.

I just went back to work after 2 blissful, incredible, happy, fabulous weeks off for my wedding (PS My wedding was the BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. I will forever be wed to the perfect man for me. I am so blessed!) During my time off, I would sleep in till 730a-8a, leisurely eat breakfast, possibly work out, watch some movies with Cooper (my dog), take Cooper on walks, go the library, and work lots and lots for my home business. Ohh yea, and actually hang out with my man. We work opposite schedules so we do not get to spend a lot of time together during the week. I love my husband and would love to spend more time with him. But I will enjoy the time that I can get! All in all, those two weeks were amazing!

Although I love waking up early (insert coffee cup into hand immediately!), I do not like waking up to go to corporate work. Call me crazy, but I would rather wake up early on a weekend day than a week day. So to say the least, my schedule is off a bit due to my Monday reality check. Do not get me wrong, I am blessed to have a paycheck!

My job is also a tad bit stressful. It is a lot of multitasking (no wait it is all multitasking). I deal with high volume, high emotions. Everyday is a struggle to keep a positive attitude. But it is a must!

Mind you, I get stressed out about everything! I get stressed out over computers, windows, cherry trees... you name it! It is one of the things I like least about myself. I have a certain way that I want everything to happen. If it does not go exactly as planned, I get so frustrated. I also have a strong desire to be the best. At everything. This is true for work as well.

What has helped TREMENDOUSLY is relying on the Lord for my troubles. I am a control freak. But I can not control everything! HE can! I have learned the power of prayer and the strength of our Lord!

My body might be in shock due to my new healthy eating habits. I let myself "enjoy" the bad foods of life last week (wedding cake, fast food, chicken wings, chocolate, brownies, pizza, you name it!) Please note: I will allow myself to eat a unrestricted meal once or twice a week during my 60 days.  But if I am going to follow this meal "to a T," my meals are very clean with little to no breads.

With my new eating lifestyle, I am "restricted" to 1200-1399 calories a day. Yes, you read that right. I can eat 5x a day of the following:
4 servings of primary vegetables
2 servings of secondary vegetables
2 servings of fresh fruit
4 servings of lean protein
3 servings of healthy fats

I was nervous that I would lack energy. I actually feel great so far (hunger-wise)! The only part that is upsetting is when I look at my little plastic baggy of 21 peanuts and realize that is all I can eat for 3 servings of healthy fats. You should see how little 21 peanuts look in a sandwich bag!!

So with the schedule change and going back to work, my body has felt a lil under the weather. So when I got home from work, I ate my Snack #2, did a 30min core workout, took a shower and shaved my legs.

I feel better already.